Thursday, January 29, 2009

Nothing to Show for it

Thank you all for your warm words. The loss of a family member is always difficult. Losing my younger brother left me pretty out of breath. We lived such different lives, so far from each other, for so long that it had been a very long time since we had seen each other. I still find it hard to believe that we will never see each other again. Although Robert was a father of two, I will always remember him as the young boy with a beautiful smile, as the young man who helped me pack up the vestiges of college life in La Jolla and return it back to San Francisco. Probably the last time we spent a great deal of time together it was a road trip to remember. I am still coming to terms of how much I miss someone I should have been missing for years.

Although I have done a lot of knitting in the last couple of weeks, I have done just as much frogging and tinking. In layman's terms, Knit, Rip, Knit Rip and really, I've got nothing to show you. Half way through Mitt 2 on the Endpaper Mitts and I realized I'd gone terribly wrong.

Mitt 1 on left, 2 on right
Yep, I'd held the yarn in the wrong hand, again. I tried ripping back to the ribbing but the count just seemed off so I need to cast on once again.

And my Druid Mittens, well they were going fabulously. I realized that my bigger, longer hand needed a deeper thumb gusset so I continued on with the thumb section a few extra rows.

But when I got to the end of the pattern before the decreases I decided not to adjust and add more rows there too. Big mistake.

I worked late into the night on Sunday to finish them up only to find I was curling my fingers to get them completely inside. And so I ripped back to before the decreases and am adding in one more repeat. That isn't going as smoothly as it should but I am persevering.

I have read many times of the comfort knitters take in their knitting after the loss of a loved one. I admit now I always thought that was a bit much to believe. Never judge a man until you have stood in his shoes. The only knitting success I do have is the knitting I did in the days following my brother's death. Cast on Monday (MLK day) and finished up early Tuesday morning, Gretel is my new favorite knit.

For my big head and big hair, the shape is much better suited for me than hats I've previously made.

More details to follow, but for now, here is the Rav Link .

Contest winner to be announced Monday, so stay tuned. Thanks for hanging in there with me!


Elaine said...

Welcome back. Losing a brother must be heart-wrenching. I know how hard it is to realize that you will never see a person again.

Debbie said...

Sorry to hear of the loss of your brother, J. Glad you're back. That hat came out really nice. I love the photo where it's sitting flat like a beret.

T.M. said...

So sorry to hear about your brother.
Your knitting is wonderful and I love Gretel. Such a nice color.

Rachel O said...

I didn't realize it was a brother. So close and so difficult. Are his children the ones that the Tante refers to?

The hat looks great and I find knitting a great source of comfort for any stressful situation.

JuliaA said...

i'm so sorry about the loss of your brother. i can't imagine how hard that must be.

Jersey said...

It's nice that you have some warm recollections, even if from long ago. I find that they pop into my mind every now and then at the most unexpected times and, after the initial period of great sadness, provide some real comfort. And I know your faith and community will help you through it too.

From the Other Tante J

EJ said...

Again, my condolences. It must be very sad.

I love the hat and I love the way it looks with your hair. I wish mine was thick and curly like yours.

carla said...

I hope you are coping reasonably. I'm sure it will take a while to adjust to the loss.

tom said...

The hat looks great! My guess is that given the tragedy you are dealing with, your mind was elsewhere when you were knitting. Give yourself a break and don't let the knitting add to your stress. Right now what you need is something that removes stress. If you can have fun knitting, then wonderful. The minute that it starts making you upset, let it go until it is a better time. Maybe the right knitting for right now is just a very simple pattern that does not require any concentration but highlights some lovely yarn. Of course you could do something more complex, but maybe not right now.

Lupie said...

When my brother past the last time I had seen him was at our mothers wake a year before. He left two little girls and one on the way he didn't even know about.
It took me many years before I could deal with this loss.
Have you read The Knitting Circle? I met Ann Hood but still have not read the book. When I told her I was afraid to start it she said when the time is right you will.